I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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