I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
