I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
