I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
