Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
