I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I had to cum in my sink.
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