The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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