So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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