we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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