i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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