yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
