Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
