capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
