very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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