so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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