You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
