i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
