I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
