thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
