i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How naked do you want me to be?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
