This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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