But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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