I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
