Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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