You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
