foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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