my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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