I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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