my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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