didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
