I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
