Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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