hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you had me at cake vodka
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
