my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
