I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
