Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
