There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just high enough for therapy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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