you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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