i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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