I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
