You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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