Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
