Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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