He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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