well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
