I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
