is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
