God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
