Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
