no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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