He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
