the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
