Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
