I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
