gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
