It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
