Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
