i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
