take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
