can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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