New invention idea: vibrating tampons
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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