I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
